An Airport Affair

There’s this strange feeling while at the airport lounge sittin and waiting for a friend. I felt i secure and challenged at the same time. i felt insecure for those who will be leaving this place via jetplane; with the following realizations if not questions in mind:

a. airport has been a good friend to me- I always feel I am a child waiting for my chocolate bar just like waiting for a friend to come out of the arrival area.

b. airports has been a foe and makes me cry- for the past few years of existence there was once that I was able to leave the airport grounds without turning back, the rest of my affair with airports has been so cruel that it made me feel a loser at sometimes.

c. airports challenges my intuition- i always dream of having my suitcase on, in one hand, and having my favorite cup of coffee on the other while passing through the VIP/Diplomatic entrance… 🙂

d. airports has been too good to be your motivator- Why do people need to leave the country to work and earn a living? Why not strive in your own country and make a living out of it？

Perhaps airports will always a friend and a foe foe me, it gives me reasons  push myself to go out of the bigger box.

Escaping Demands from Metro

I had a not so good week. Demand from work and personal stuff piles up and I am about to give up. 

I missed the simple  life away from the buzzin of the metropolis. For the past few weeks I’ve been sooo eager to move out of my routine and hit the road to nowhere.

Right Time Right Route

As  I went home from my work I told my mom how tired I was from the demands of my routine, she told me we’ll hit the road to somewhere – I agreed

With such enthusiasm, we visit one of our relatives whom I could  consider as awesome.

1. I dont need to grab my backpack just to have a nice buko juice- it has been my water replacement since I went to there place.

2. Kids will always be kids- I love seeing kids roaming and I even asked them if they know sesame street and looney toones and even watched tom and jerry and played ‘bubbles’.

3. Who could say no Fruits? – I mentioned that I had a nice water replacement and I had a nice meal with native chicken for lunch, jackfruit for snack what else could I think of? 🙂

4. The awesome Weather that could beat the heat of summer- it was draining 30++ degrees of heat in the  metro that I want to say no in  going back.

5. The Family that eats together stays together- as the saying goes, having a nice  meal with the fam compliments the if not makes the time for everyone to be on the loop ー just like being updated with the current affairs of each member.

Quarter Life Crisis- Oh No!

I’m on a quarter life crisis

Right after graduation from university, drafted and finalized all the documents and credentials that I have before leaving the comforts of my Alma matter, I did my best. I tried to winged all the subjects right back in university, cross cultural communications, International Relations, Economic and Political Geography- name it!

I scourged all the high-end companies in the metropolis aiming for the “ideal” job that I want. – Reality speaks for itself- you can’t have it all.

Fast track, here I am, while stereo on in my humble abode, reading the daily newspaper (which I’ve been longing to do) over a cup of coffee and an article caught my attention – entitled – Young and Bored.

I am young, enthusiastic, inquisitive and vibrant 20-something and not so fresh graduate. Worked with various companies, with not so high salary and beyond from what I have been dreaming of when I left the university.

I am working on my nth company, where it demands both of my creative and mental skills to produce something. I wear several hats- from policy drafting, review, communications, and even secretariat. I am challenge to do my job well- aiming for perfection like having a perfect blend of your cocktail while sitting relaxed on a hammock while reading your favorite novel on a perfect beach coast.

There’s really no “PERFECT or IDEAL”, it is always about:

• Finding Balance- set and unmet expectations from the real world will tell you that you have to work on the tides not against it.

• Levering the playing field- no matter what you do, people just can’t help themselves to give in their precious comments and judgments (weather it is positive or negative) “just don’t care” (like what John Legend song says).

• No to perfect job – yes to lovin’ the present- I don’t understand why school teaches us the ideal yet it is like 360 degrees different from the reality? Why not teach expectation setting rather than “aiming to be perfect”? Is it because students are too good and easily to be trained to have the ideas in their mind and will tell the world- I’ll change the status quo?

• I haven’t learn this when I was in school- reality will give you hard core and down till dawn life- lessons which has more retention than finishing a minimum 200 pages of your textbook. Savor it, nothing will be a waste if you will see each failures, rejections and No’s as part of honing you as a better person.

• I’ll stick to the status quo- I highly encourage people to go out of their own box. Even, personally, I have my own issues on keeping myself out of the box. Seek more adventures, not because you have something to post on your IG nor fb, but for the sake of overcoming your inferiorities and fears. Challenge yourself to change the way you think. Read. Even your eyes are too tired to finish a chapter and listen to those who want to speak (listening is a good skill by the way). J

Perhaps, it will always be a learning journey (who says it is not about learning anyway?). Working is not solely because of money, but because of learning. You want to learn.

High on Chai

Idealism- what’s wrong with me?

I am an idealist.

I’ve been an idealist since I went to university and paid religious and respectful visits to the library- where all the information can be accessed – even Google will do.

I’ve been too inquisitive and idealistic of how do people, community and even take advantage. Who gets, what, when and how- as defined by Politics. Why will I go to work and tilt the land in order to survive or increase my networth? Is it about having the guts to stand beyond the usual or just part of the gameplan? – I don’t know.

There was this strange feeling of inefficiency, of unproductiveness beyond my own imagination and own set of standards. I felt, I’m not working for the common people but I am working for a diverse group of individuals with dynamic and vibrant personalities. I thought, I already conquered my anxiety, fear of failure and being perfectionist- I was wrong. Yes the world rotates on its axis on a daily basis, as piles of papers and workloads just come and go with the days to count and move on.

So down and afraid to fight the good fight, I grab a cup of chai tea with a colleague on the go and spent few hours discussing about cultures, realities and idealism.

The tea that makes me feel great after a sip and will surely take more of it.  🙂

Unexpected Motivational Question

What Motivates you?

This has been one of the attention seeking question that I’ve got from the 2 day workshop that I have attended ( working as secretariat). I have been looking for the proper words to say about it, yet, I want to make this simple –  it is innate/ within.

What Motivates me might be different from what motivates you and everyone else. 

The first time that I had this feeling of being motivated was when I went to uni and tried my best to aced all the subjects that I have. With  a tap in my shoulder thing or an A+ from my professors, friends and classmates – voila! I’m ready to work! Nevertheless, with all the idealism in my mind to conquer and even change the status quo, I ended up starting my career in the grassroot level (which I did not regret) and moving towards a diversified experience.

A simple chat, smile, hello, thank you, sorry and even a cup of coffee motivates me to wake up every single morning. Coming from the “proletariat”, I’ve been longing for a “proper” acknowledgement, of respect, of attention that the society does not care to give me.

Remembering my experience/s in the community, where the people are all on the go, I find myself satisfied even my pocket is aching from the “wants”  rather than the “needs” that must take into reconciliation.

Does your salary/money motivates you to go to work? or is it the job that makes you feel in agile and want to smashed it in a day? or a simple learning experience is suffice to justify why you are here, in this field of work?

Does title, (prefix on your name/s) makes you feel good? or does the number of “0”s in your bank account statements makes you satisfied and self- assured?

I find it challenging, motivating and even inspiring to know that I am working with a group of people who loves volunteering, they are working beyond their own professional works, with personal errands to run, but they are working for the love of country – no more no less.

I can feel how satisfying it is to do “volunteering works”, (aside from literally going out to the community) but seeing these group of people from the top management and at middle-aged individuals still takes time to go out of their own boxes to work and motivate the SME’s makes me feel in awe.

Unusual Valentine

Spending your valentines day with the family and good set of friends feels like you’re already having a date of your life.

It was not because I don’t have  special someone to be with on this so called “couple’s day”;  I prefer to be with my family rather than spend it on a solo backpacking trip. 21 years ago,  my mom would always keep on telling me and the rest of the fam, that she met a nice woman, who loves backpacking, travelling and mountain climbing, went to our home and talked a lot of things.

I think I am destined to be a single. These were the words that popped in her head yesterday when we talked. She finds tranquility and peace of mind by herself in her own home right just at the back of my parent’s home.She hosted a nice valentines day gathering at her home, where she also invited some of our neighbors and their children (unfortunately, I am the only single person – aside from the host). They shared stories how life has been, they’re excited to see how generations just come and go ( and I thought, what if, I go old, will I still have the same set of friends like my parents have?)

I just find it fascinating, even if time really passes us by ( and as fast as you can’t get hold of it), there are people who will still be there no matter what.

I envy my parents for having friends whom at their back when their down, or whenever there is something to celebrate. I envy and wished that my set of friends that I have at the moment will be the same as my parents. Even if, we don’t talk that much, even across miles, I wish it is far beyond the spoken words, but of meaning, of feeling.

We may live in different places, with different timezones, with different ways and means to spend our time (here), but what matters most? It is the time we spend with the people we most cherished.

* this may sound mushy, and for the valentines date that I could think of, it is best to celebrate with your family and friends! 🙂

2nd month, 2nd Week

It was an exciting and overwhelming 2 weeks since I started working with my new job. I love how the work is all about – competitiveness. I am not saying that I am competitive, but, it has been one of the things that I really wanted to do just right before my graduation.

Fears here, there and everywhere

While the job gives me the opportunity to go out and explore the archipelago by promoting advocacies and other projects, yet, I am afraid to lose my childish enthusiasm. I am afraid to get to the “adult” stage, of working, of doing things, of working out things.

Can I just be a child for a month?

I could still remember how childish I was during my volunteer placement. I did a lot of things which for others it was a lame and laid back thing, but not for me. Whenever I do something at work (today), I would always think that failure is essential, bloody red comments are pre-requisite, otherwise, you and I will never learn. I did and expecting to commit more mistakes while at work, not to pull out the “trainee/transition” card whenever I did something wrong, but, it is more of giving myself a leeway that things don’t work in the same pace, manner and for everyone-all at the same time.

Behind the corporate aura that most people have, I still think, try to consider, why do we need to conform to the existing norm? Why not make a new norm and work on it rather than break it? If we don’t break it can we make a new norm? (does this make any sense? I dunno).
It is the society that judge me? Or it is me who loves to entertain their comments? Do I need to dump my hiking gear just to conform their standards?

When you are afraid, things are going to get worse if you don’t do something, it can prompt you into action. But it is not good when you are afraid that it keeps you from doing anything.

I am afraid-yes, like a child wandering and afraid of getting lost. But throughout the years of existence, I got lost, I learned my lessons the easy and hard way and there’s nothing wrong with that (unless you are part of the 90% who lives on the standards of the status quo). 

Chasing for Nth Years

I Failed.

There was this nerve-wracking, heart pounding feeling days before I was able to know if I passed or failed in my exam. I have been wondering, and thinking, why I failed? What are the mistakes that I committed during the exam?

Should I give up or should I keep on chasing?

Like a popular song Chasing Pavements by Adele, having the results flashing and dashing on my computer screen made me think if it is a sign to give up my Japanese language studies and shift to French of Spanish instead. I even hit the button from my facebook friend and told her about the result. I want to cry at that moment. So down and thought of grabbing a drink till dawn, yet, I reckon. As my friend told me, move on, move forward, it is just a test of your knowledge; it happened you’re not that prepared when you took the exam. (which was true).

I am really eager to pass this exam, and thought that if I pass the exam this year, I will pursue the higher level of proficiency of Japanese language, if not, I told myself that I will give up on this, there is no point of continuing something that you can not really be good at- even several years has been dedicated into.

I am also aware that the chance of passing the exam is quite low. Right after my application, I wasn’t able to take the proper preparations for this, even memorizing kanji and vocabs made me turn up-side down during the exam.

Mom, I failed.

When I told my mom about the results, she said, it is okay, see the better side of that. You can still take the exam next year (which is true), you can take proper classes for this since your office is just across the school (another reality, yes), so what’s the point of getting down?

After closing the doors that lead you nowhere, throw away the key! Because our tendency is to look back and regret. – Paulo Coelho.

I am closing now the door of regrets, of what if’s, of how I wish I passed this exam. I will now open a new door – door of better opportunities to become a new if not renewed person. It is not constrained on my Japanese Language Proficiency exam results, but I think it is seeing a lot of positivity in life.

In general, I was able to have a nice job 3 days right after my 3 months of volunteer experience. I left the job and found another one waiting for me to start. I have a part time job (with a fellow) and gives me a lot of adventures and loads of travels. There is really no reason to get down, but a sense of move forward, because tomorrow is another day to face.

Will I still continue my Japanese Language? Yes, I will, I will not get mad on the results, but it should served me as a motivation to move on and make it a serious deal now, or else, I will never get forward with this.

Options are just an Option

Sometimes, it is good to have an option, but sometimes, it gives you a hard core headache.

I ditched work today, as I went for another job interview. I am at the moment being trained in the corporate world, while, I was hired to be part of the government.

This may sound weird, why would I still find a job if I already got one? Why resign in the middle of training yet take training in different field?

It was a hard core yet no expectations interview. I knew and had the idea that working for the government would entail loads of patience, determination and motivation to finish one task after another. While on the corporate, they give you the liberty to work for them, have their name in your cv and voila! Your cv weighs pretty much heavier than the first time you sent it out to head hunters.

What made me think of shifting gears?

It may sound absurd, but, I thought of setting down in terms of my career. I love traveling, and working with the community, engaging with people, but things doesn’t work the way I thought it would be. It was a tough, exciting, challenging and full of dynamism work that awaits me, not because of the “government work” but because, I see where my parents are coming from. It is practically not about the numbers in the salary that makes you a better individual, and not in the prefixes that you have in your name, but, it is how do people see, appreciate and respect you no matter what. Yes, there are several negative stigmas/branding/tags about working in the government, but instead of moaning why not take the small steps towards the goals that you really want?

Too Chatty or just being Honest?

I love to talk and that is one thing that is unique from me. I can talk anything under the sun for the next 24 hours nonstop(just give me a glass of water 🙂 ). When I had my interview, it seems I’m just having a nice chat over a cup of coffee with a friend in a local coffee shop. I had the guts of saying that I have plans with a fellow of establishing a business which would help the local/s to be competitive if not to be at par with the local market. The current employment/job/career that I have is pretty much related with the upcoming one, and I must admit, it is not my cup of tea, but I’ll try, not because of the “name and credentials”, but because of the experience to cherish.

Don’t Wanna Die Young

Stumbled in the middle of the road waiting for the traffic to ease its hard core mode while listening to my obsolete play list, body aches, and head turning events made me wanted to stay at home and hit my pillow.

From my escape to urbanity event last weekend, I just hit the usual road with my trainers on earphones on the go water bottle on one hand and off to go. The last time that I went for a “proper” run was right after my travel buddy and I went for a splurging weekend. I set a time of 10 mins. from 10, I made it to 5 from 5 down to 3 mins. – am I crazy, in vain or wanting to be on the hype? All I can say is, I want to be fit, not for the sake of being “sexy” as it always associate with being “fit”.

I don’t want to die young so I run

Whenever I go for a run, I would always think of living being “fit” and healthy, regardless if I own vast amount of money in neither my bank account nor staying in a house of gold. It was an alarming thing not only for me but for the rest of the family that ”lifestyle” illness just come and go in our house like a train ride from one station to another. Even if I’m really drained and exhausted from my work, the fast-paced environment, the expectations, personal issues and goals that needs to be aligned.

I just knew that, even if I was at the bridge of saying no and wanted to quit, my goal for the day to hit the 4 min. of run made me think that: if I could finish one 4 minutes of run I could also aced the challenges that my work enthralled me. The personal issues, insecurities and a lot more that made me worried for the past few days could be solved in a snap of a finger. I think, determination and will to move on will make you a better person. Sometimes, it is not all about “banging on” but sometimes, it is also about clearing your head and determined to make it a reality.