Chasing for Nth Years

I Failed.

There was this nerve-wracking, heart pounding feeling days before I was able to know if I passed or failed in my exam. I have been wondering, and thinking, why I failed? What are the mistakes that I committed during the exam?

Should I give up or should I keep on chasing?

Like a popular song Chasing Pavements by Adele, having the results flashing and dashing on my computer screen made me think if it is a sign to give up my Japanese language studies and shift to French of Spanish instead. I even hit the button from my facebook friend and told her about the result. I want to cry at that moment. So down and thought of grabbing a drink till dawn, yet, I reckon. As my friend told me, move on, move forward, it is just a test of your knowledge; it happened you’re not that prepared when you took the exam. (which was true).

I am really eager to pass this exam, and thought that if I pass the exam this year, I will pursue the higher level of proficiency of Japanese language, if not, I told myself that I will give up on this, there is no point of continuing something that you can not really be good at- even several years has been dedicated into.

I am also aware that the chance of passing the exam is quite low. Right after my application, I wasn’t able to take the proper preparations for this, even memorizing kanji and vocabs made me turn up-side down during the exam.

Mom, I failed.

When I told my mom about the results, she said, it is okay, see the better side of that. You can still take the exam next year (which is true), you can take proper classes for this since your office is just across the school (another reality, yes), so what’s the point of getting down?

After closing the doors that lead you nowhere, throw away the key! Because our tendency is to look back and regret. – Paulo Coelho.

I am closing now the door of regrets, of what if’s, of how I wish I passed this exam. I will now open a new door – door of better opportunities to become a new if not renewed person. It is not constrained on my Japanese Language Proficiency exam results, but I think it is seeing a lot of positivity in life.

In general, I was able to have a nice job 3 days right after my 3 months of volunteer experience. I left the job and found another one waiting for me to start. I have a part time job (with a fellow) and gives me a lot of adventures and loads of travels. There is really no reason to get down, but a sense of move forward, because tomorrow is another day to face.

Will I still continue my Japanese Language? Yes, I will, I will not get mad on the results, but it should served me as a motivation to move on and make it a serious deal now, or else, I will never get forward with this.

nihongo no benkyou

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