It was an exciting and overwhelming 2 weeks since I started working with my new job. I love how the work is all about – competitiveness. I am not saying that I am competitive, but, it has been one of the things that I really wanted to do just right before my graduation.
Fears here, there and everywhere
While the job gives me the opportunity to go out and explore the archipelago by promoting advocacies and other projects, yet, I am afraid to lose my childish enthusiasm. I am afraid to get to the “adult” stage, of working, of doing things, of working out things.
Can I just be a child for a month?
I could still remember how childish I was during my volunteer placement. I did a lot of things which for others it was a lame and laid back thing, but not for me. Whenever I do something at work (today), I would always think that failure is essential, bloody red comments are pre-requisite, otherwise, you and I will never learn. I did and expecting to commit more mistakes while at work, not to pull out the “trainee/transition” card whenever I did something wrong, but, it is more of giving myself a leeway that things don’t work in the same pace, manner and for everyone-all at the same time.
Behind the corporate aura that most people have, I still think, try to consider, why do we need to conform to the existing norm? Why not make a new norm and work on it rather than break it? If we don’t break it can we make a new norm? (does this make any sense? I dunno).
It is the society that judge me? Or it is me who loves to entertain their comments? Do I need to dump my hiking gear just to conform their standards?
When you are afraid, things are going to get worse if you don’t do something, it can prompt you into action. But it is not good when you are afraid that it keeps you from doing anything.
I am afraid-yes, like a child wandering and afraid of getting lost. But throughout the years of existence, I got lost, I learned my lessons the easy and hard way and there’s nothing wrong with that (unless you are part of the 90% who lives on the standards of the status quo).