High on Chai

Idealism- what’s wrong with me?

I am an idealist.

I’ve been an idealist since I went to university and paid religious and respectful visits to the library- where all the information can be accessed – even Google will do.

I’ve been too inquisitive and idealistic of how do people, community and even take advantage. Who gets, what, when and how- as defined by Politics. Why will I go to work and tilt the land in order to survive or increase my networth? Is it about having the guts to stand beyond the usual or just part of the gameplan? – I don’t know.

There was this strange feeling of inefficiency, of unproductiveness beyond my own imagination and own set of standards. I felt, I’m not working for the common people but I am working for a diverse group of individuals with dynamic and vibrant personalities. I thought, I already conquered my anxiety, fear of failure and being perfectionist- I was wrong. Yes the world rotates on its axis on a daily basis, as piles of papers and workloads just come and go with the days to count and move on.

So down and afraid to fight the good fight, I grab a cup of chai tea with a colleague on the go and spent few hours discussing about cultures, realities and idealism.

The tea that makes me feel great after a sip and will surely take more of it.  🙂

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Unexpected Motivational Question

What Motivates you?
This has been one of the attention seeking question that I’ve got from the 2 day workshop that I have attended ( working as secretariat). I have been looking for the proper words to say about it, yet, I want to make this simple –  it is innate/ within.
What Motivates me might be different from what motivates you and everyone else. 
The first time that I had this feeling of being motivated was when I went to uni and tried my best to aced all the subjects that I have. With  a tap in my shoulder thing or an A+ from my professors, friends and classmates – voila! I’m ready to work! Nevertheless, with all the idealism in my mind to conquer and even change the status quo, I ended up starting my career in the grassroot level (which I did not regret) and moving towards a diversified experience.
A simple chat, smile, hello, thank you, sorry and even a cup of coffee motivates me to wake up every single morning. Coming from the “proletariat”, I’ve been longing for a “proper” acknowledgement, of respect, of attention that the society does not care to give me.
Remembering my experience/s in the community, where the people are all on the go, I find myself satisfied even my pocket is aching from the “wants”  rather than the “needs” that must take into reconciliation.
Does your salary/money motivates you to go to work? or is it the job that makes you feel in agile and want to smashed it in a day? or a simple learning experience is suffice to justify why you are here, in this field of work?
Does title, (prefix on your name/s) makes you feel good? or does the number of “0”s in your bank account statements makes you satisfied and self- assured?
I find it challenging, motivating and even inspiring to know that I am working with a group of people who loves volunteering, they are working beyond their own professional works, with personal errands to run, but they are working for the love of country – no more no less.
I can feel how satisfying it is to do “volunteering works”, (aside from literally going out to the community) but seeing these group of people from the top management and at middle-aged individuals still takes time to go out of their own boxes to work and motivate the SME’s makes me feel in awe.

Unusual Valentine

Spending your valentines day with the family and good set of friends feels like you’re already having a date of your life.

It was not because I don’t have  special someone to be with on this so called “couple’s day”;  I prefer to be with my family rather than spend it on a solo backpacking trip. 21 years ago,  my mom would always keep on telling me and the rest of the fam, that she met a nice woman, who loves backpacking, travelling and mountain climbing, went to our home and talked a lot of things.

I think I am destined to be a single. These were the words that popped in her head yesterday when we talked. She finds tranquility and peace of mind by herself in her own home right just at the back of my parent’s home.She hosted a nice valentines day gathering at her home, where she also invited some of our neighbors and their children (unfortunately, I am the only single person – aside from the host). They shared stories how life has been, they’re excited to see how generations just come and go ( and I thought, what if, I go old, will I still have the same set of friends like my parents have?)

I just find it fascinating, even if time really passes us by ( and as fast as you can’t get hold of it), there are people who will still be there no matter what.

I envy my parents for having friends whom at their back when their down, or whenever there is something to celebrate. I envy and wished that my set of friends that I have at the moment will be the same as my parents. Even if, we don’t talk that much, even across miles, I wish it is far beyond the spoken words, but of meaning, of feeling.

We may live in different places, with different timezones, with different ways and means to spend our time (here), but what matters most? It is the time we spend with the people we most cherished.

* this may sound mushy, and for the valentines date that I could think of, it is best to celebrate with your family and friends! 🙂

10996175_914923441892806_3092840764738754094_o sunset with katie nihon no uchi (17)

2nd month, 2nd Week

It was an exciting and overwhelming 2 weeks since I started working with my new job. I love how the work is all about – competitiveness. I am not saying that I am competitive, but, it has been one of the things that I really wanted to do just right before my graduation.

Fears here, there and everywhere

While the job gives me the opportunity to go out and explore the archipelago by promoting advocacies and other projects, yet, I am afraid to lose my childish enthusiasm. I am afraid to get to the “adult” stage, of working, of doing things, of working out things.

Can I just be a child for a month?

I could still remember how childish I was during my volunteer placement. I did a lot of things which for others it was a lame and laid back thing, but not for me. Whenever I do something at work (today), I would always think that failure is essential, bloody red comments are pre-requisite, otherwise, you and I will never learn. I did and expecting to commit more mistakes while at work, not to pull out the “trainee/transition” card whenever I did something wrong, but, it is more of giving myself a leeway that things don’t work in the same pace, manner and for everyone-all at the same time.

Behind the corporate aura that most people have, I still think, try to consider, why do we need to conform to the existing norm? Why not make a new norm and work on it rather than break it? If we don’t break it can we make a new norm? (does this make any sense? I dunno).
It is the society that judge me? Or it is me who loves to entertain their comments? Do I need to dump my hiking gear just to conform their standards?

When you are afraid, things are going to get worse if you don’t do something, it can prompt you into action. But it is not good when you are afraid that it keeps you from doing anything.

I am afraid-yes, like a child wandering and afraid of getting lost. But throughout the years of existence, I got lost, I learned my lessons the easy and hard way and there’s nothing wrong with that (unless you are part of the 90% who lives on the standards of the status quo). 